Random Thought...

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat...

The Nine Basic Food Groups...

I have nine basic food groups that make up my diet: caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, round, flat, yellow, Asian, pastry, and sandwich.

But back in the day things were tighter all around and I had to get by on only four -- That being Ramen, Pop-tart, coffee, and gallery opening.

I'll take a burger, hold the musical review...

Now I am a fan of the burger, fries, and coke. It's the
quintessential meal of the Americana. And over the years I would like
to think that I have developed an appreciation for this, well I
wouldn't call it a cuisine; let's say meal. But for g-d sakes people
don't let the wait-staff brake out into song while you are eating.

I'm at a Johnny Rocket Burgers, a chain of 1950s retro burger joints.
Good burgers, decent fries, and malts. I try to get there in the late
afternoon when it's slow. Because if you don't you run a chance that
the staff will spontaneously brake out into song. With the singing
and if not well choreographed, then enthusiastic dance numbers. It's
part of the restaurants theme.

I put up with the risk of having my meal interrupted only because the
food is pretty good. Like this evening. I am half way through my
bacon and cheese burger when I hear the wait staff start talking.
"How about if we do 'Love Shack'?" For those of you who are not
familiar with late-80s music "Love Shake" was a top-ten song by the
B-52's, a relatively unknown band with a couple of brake-out hits.
And in that one moment one of the waiters looked at me and all I
could say is, "I know what is coming next." In a matter of minuets, I
finished my dinner, paid the bill and was out the door, with the
sound of the wait-staff breaking into a cracked a cappella version of
"Love Shack". This is why I say that you should never let anyone in
the food service industry be allowed to break out into song.

The Designer's Prayer...

O' Big A.D., who's beret is so huge,
He who created the shape and the shade,
Give us strength so our berets are mighty and our hands are true,
And may I strike down with great vengeance and furious anger those
who would attempt to poison and destroy my work. And they will know
my name is law when I lay my vengeance upon them.

Lorum ipsum dolar sit amet, Amen.

Quick wit lost in rush hour...

G-d I hope that there will be a situation where I could use this line:

"No, I'm not your friend. I am your fantasy. It is just a shame that your fantasy will never come true."

Cupcake Ratio...

Growing up I always loved cupcakes. The look, the taste, but about
half way through eating one, the novelty of it wore off. It was the
of frosting to cake balance. There was too much bottom and not enough
top, the ratio was totally off -- it was like a 1:4 or so.



It wasn't until I moved up to the North West and six years later, I found the perfect cupcake. The "Babycake" from Cupcake Royale, a mini cupcake where the balance was just right, about a 1:1.5 of top to bottom. It was brilliant. Take one or two of them with a coffee and you got the one of the prime pastry & coffee solutions. Because everybody knows the solution to almost any problem is Coffee & Pastry.

Hi, I'm g-d's punch line and you are...

I take that car in to the shop for its quarterly check and get the fluids & filters changed, that’s okay, perfectly normal. And get the front brakes replaced, annoying but fine. And needing to change the burnt-out light on my driver’s console. That’s going to far -- Yeah in theory the console has to be lit by something, but really, do you know anyone who needed to replace their lights on their console. Be honest.

That is not the punch line though.

The punch line is that I’m driving home from work and I blow a freaking tire the same day, and not the one that already has a slow leak. It is the one on the other side of the car.

Ha, ha, ha, Mr. Funny-Deity got jokes. Is there some cosmic rule that tires must blow out in the rain. Because I can’t remember a time where this has happened and the weather was sunny and warm with a light breeze in the afternoon on level pavement. No it’s always after dark in the rain, and in the most inconvenient place. Sure I was prepared, when you are g-ds chosen people it pays to plan ahead. You never know when he is going to have a moment of his special kind of wit.

See, my relationship with g-d, is like that one exasperating friend that everybody has. The one you can’t take anywhere for fear that he may and inevitably will cause some kind of scene that ends with the final words of the night being, “Turn to your right, no, your other right”. You love him, and you know that he’ll always have your back but some times you just want to grab him by the lapels and bitch-slap his anthropomorphic ass up and down the street. But you count to 10 and in a near-calm voice explain to him again that yes, you’ll always have his back but he really needs to stop pulling shit like this. Sure we all thought it was funny turning Job’s wife into a saltlick, that’s just good physical humour, but sometimes he takes to far. You laugh it off and go for a drink. But you know it’ll happen again and you know that you will do the same damn thing that you did this time, because he’s your crew and it is the right thing to do.

I wonder...

Can you be a sycophant of your self? Or is it just denial with flare?

That just ain't right...

I’ve gone to far this time. Crossed over the line into the taboo, where man should never go. There was hot sauce, there was pasta, garlic, honey, and even Worcestershire. It was an abomination, and it was damn fine eating.

Basically it was a version buffalo wing sauce that I mixed up with penne and chicken. Got the sauce idea from Men’s Health -- though I don’t think that they would have intended it to be use quite like this.

3 Tbls – Hot Sauce (Frank’s hot sauce works best in this case)
2 Tbls – Worcestershire Sauce
1 Tbls – Honey
.5 tsp – minced garlic

Mix together and then add it to a portion of freshly cooked pasta and chicken in a pre-heated sauté pan at mid-high and mix for 30-60 seconds and serve.

I’m thinking next time I make this I’ll add crumbled blue cheese to it as a topper. Still trying to come up with a good side dish to go with it.

Theo & Aaron Haberman

Theo & Aaron Haberman
Originally uploaded by Theo!.

Well of course I'm the evil twin.